It looks like I myself must charm the mighty python…

Episode 2
Guy has to live without a driving licence and Statham has to live without sex – will either of them survive? Just when Caroline thought she’d climbed all the ladders, she slips down the longest snake on the board, and she’s back to Square One. Ah, misty watercolour memories...

Dr Alan Statham – Consultant Imaging & Radiology (Mark Heap)
Anal, fussy, pedantic and wound tighter than a watch, Alan is the butt of everybody’s jokes. Bullied at school by Simon “shitting” Mason, his life hasn’t got any better at East Hampton: Mac undermines his authority; Boyce constantly insinuates he’s gay, Sue goes out of her way to break his willpower to complain and even Joanna, the love of his life, ditches him for an abortive attempt to shack up with Lyndon. Even the vicar finds him intensely annoying.

“Alright. Somebody has used a marker pen to make some alterations. The badge should read Alan Statham, next line Consultant Radiologist, and on the word consultant, they've blacked out the letters 'o','n','s' and 'l','t','a'”

“Here’s the choice, a bit of Peter up the pantry passage or holiday snaps of Crete 1976”

“It looks like I myself must charm the mighty python… Oh Princess Joannadine, the snake has risen from the basket and awaits your tender caress”

Mark Heap has had roles in a wide range of theatre, film, TV and radio productions. He will soon be seen in Woody Allen’s upcoming film shot in London, and is about to start filming Hot Fuzz (from the Shaun of Dead team). His television credits include Dalziel and Pascoe, Brass Eye, Big Train and Spaced, and he’s also appeared in the films Bring Me the Head of Mavis Davis and About a Boy.